Pleasure and intimacy are hard for everybody but when it comes to s*x it’s more pervasive because we don’t learn through an embodied approach. The education we receive is based in puritanical outdated religious beliefs. So we start out with irrelevant information that carries over into our interactions with people. It doesn’t leave us feeling good in our bodies.
In general we’ve taken this one aspect of our lives (intimacy or pleasure) and separated it, stuck it away in a closet and closed it off from conversations. Then started to believe that something was wrong with us, and felt cut off from others or unworthy of love.
I want you to know that you aren’t broken, you belong and you are worthy of everything you desire. The system we are operating in isn’t working in our favour and once we can start to look deeper into the shadow layer of this system you’ll see the many ways we’re being mislead. But that is for another post….
Shame makes us feel like we are small, it shrinks us and separates us. In order to dismantle shame it’s important to find ways that you feel safe to shed light on what is hidden away. This may look like working with a therapist, taking some courses on boundary setting, healthy sexuality or more conscious communication. Then we enter into conversations with other like-minded people and elaborate on this whole topic of shame and s*x without moralizing it. In this way we start to build up a foundation of what woks for us rather than focusing on what has been wrong. We start to orient ourselves in pleasure which can be as simple as running our fingertips across our face, getting massages, stretching our bodies or sitting in silence for a few minutes everyday. Just notice when you think of pleasure if you associate it with someone else? Do you have to give it to someone or do you need another person to receive it?
Our culture is inundated with all these rules, on top of that we have rules for ourselves and sometimes it’s even unclear which of these are in alignment with us! Just consider this one area of exploration - how much of your life force is constricted in cultural shame around pleasure.
What might it look like for you to take one step in the direction of filling up your own pleasure cup? What would feel delicious for you today?